I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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