What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
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Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
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You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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