i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
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