Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
