She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
