im drinking this country out of the recession.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
