Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
