I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
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i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
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On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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