When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
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You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
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He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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