i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
