You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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