It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
