now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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