there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
