you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
