you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
