Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Randomize
