I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
