His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
