she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
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Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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