i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
