I don't remember. Are we still dating?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
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