You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
