If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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