dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
