I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
