he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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