i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
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You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
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