her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If that was your dad, he is hot
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
