He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
