i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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