Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
