Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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