if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize