he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
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I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Did I show you my penis last night?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
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We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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