so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
