Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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