I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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