we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
