Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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