Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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