I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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