That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
we're so committed to being not committed
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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