remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
