he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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