But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
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