how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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