he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
