ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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