Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize