The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That accounts for only three of the penises
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
