I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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