I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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