It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
