She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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