I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
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