somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
