I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
