he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
