Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
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He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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