So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
