It's Friday. Sex?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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